Week 8: 7/23 - 7/29
I can hardly believe that there's only two weeks left. It's depressing, really, because everything is sort of up in the air right now. After much nagging from my mother, I turned in my deposit to CMU, but I keep wondering if I should cancel the check. I've really enjoyed my time here, but I don't know if I'd actually want to go to school here. My mind is constantly racing, weighing the options; I can't tell you how many times in my journal I've written lengthy pros vs. cons lists. AGHHHHHH.
I tinkered around a little with the hand modifications that Sophie wanted to do, but she doesn't know exactly which ones she wants. She wants to see them first. I'm not satisfied with anything right now, and Maya isn't exactly my friend anymore. Thankfully Sophie helped me out and taught me how to modify motion curves and all, but I'm sort of in a daze these days. At least I finished reading those papers on hand tremors. I love reading outside; my favorite thing to do on breaks is to go out and sit on the short concrete wall outside of Wean, with some Elliott Smith in my ear and a book in my hand.
Jessica wants to hold off on testing until she hears back from Sarah, who created the project. I've never met her, but apparently she's a busy woman. I have to wait for her thoughts on the experimental design, namely whether all the movies should be randomized, or divided by motion (i.e., all the jumping movies in random order, then the walking movies). This bothers me because I'm afraid I won't be able to get the project done, although the materials have been ready for a while now. But the experimental design is important, and I want good results to come of this iteration of the study.
Mostly, I feel really stressed out about what I'm going to do next year. Of course my parents want me to stay in school, and I'd like to do, but I really want my last two years of college to mean something. Going back to MHC isn't an option; I was so depressed there, and Lisa will be gone next year, so there goes my chance for starting on my thesis. All of my friends will be abroad, too, except for Charlina, but even she'll only be in South Hadley for the first semester. Miki's going to Hawaii, though, but just for the fall. Regardless of what I end up doing, there'll be a lot of readjustment involved, and loneliness. It's hard not being able to go back to Seoul, not having a hometown where I know people and already have friends.
April is leaving next week, so we had a final dinner (she and I both need time to pack for our respective trips, unfortunately) together at, naturally, TGIF's. I finally got to have that Cheesy Ultimate Cheeseburger that I've been craving for weeks on end, so that's an upside to this downer of a week!
